I’m gonna split this into two answers:
1. The absolute scariest event that’s happened thus far was the baby’s delivery. During labor, Dash had managed to get his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. The OB was calm and methodical, got him delivered, and gingerly cut through the the cord - only to realize that he had managed to get it wrapped twice somehow. She snipped again and he was whisked away to the pediatrician, who got his breathing and heart rate stabilized.
Through all of this, I was standing at Kristen’s bedside, holding her hand, hoping that my face didn’t convey how terrified I was, or how helpless I was to ease the trauma my wife or my baby had just experienced.
2. The most persistently scary thing about fatherhood is the generalized anxiety. We were celebrating Dash’s first month, and Kristen and I actually high-fived when we realized we’d kept the baby alive for 4 weeks. It sounds ridiculous if you haven’t had a child, but the reality is that most first time parents spend an awful lot of time thinking “holy cow how do I prevent this small helpless creature from starving/getting hurt/going missing?!” Most of this anxiety is misplaced (e.g. the best sign that you’ll be a good parent is a willingness to admit that you have no idea what you’re doing) but you don’t realize that till the kid starts gaining weight and looking slightly less fragile.
If you’re a dad, that anxiety eventually transfers itself from the baby’s immediate survival to questions like, “do I need to set up a 529 account now?” and “we should really start thinking about preschools.” It’s good that you’re thinking about these things, because they will distract you from the realization of how useless you are at soothing the child when he is inconsolable. You can change him, rock him, shush him, swaddle him, give him a bottle, and burp him (and you absolutely should do all of these things as often as possible, because it’s awesome) but you will never be able to calm him down the way mom can.
As terrible as feeling useless can be, the whole experience is still pretty incredible.
